This page contains graphic descriptions of surgical procedures!! Viewer discretion is advised!!
Something interesting about me is that I am very curious about the limits of the human body. I have always enjoyed biology and when I was really little I thought it would be cool to be a surgeon but now that I've spent decades getting concussions and frying my brain with chemicals that's not an option. But I'm still really curious, so I sometimes experiment on myself. For example, I wondered what it felt like to get your blood sucked by a leech, so I let a little guy go to town! Felt dizzy, and cold, and itched a little. Not bad. I always assume I can do anything and I'm invincible. So far I feel I'm right. I always think "WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I….???" Ripped my fingernail off? Dissolved my tooth in an energy drink? Stuck my hand in a beehive? I used to do those challenges that were popular on Vine like the salt and ice challenge. Still got the burns. I can't help it!! Being a human in a human body makes no sense to me and I can never keep track of the experience, so I have to get scientific. My biggest experiments have been with trepanation.
I have really bad tinnitus from listening to Death Grips at maximum volume. As we all know, tinnitus is when a bunch of sound waves are trapped in your skull bouncing around with no escape. They won't escape through your ears, for some reason. So I figured I could get the sound waves out, and release the pressure in my brain, by drilling a hole in my skull. I also wanted the purported benefits of increased blood flow to the brain and renewed childlike wonder.
I first tried to trepan myself on March 30, 2023. Incidentally, this happened to be Poke Things With a Pointy Stick Day! A drill is a kind of pointy stick, right? I had read a little bit about trepanation online, and I thought it would be the perfect cure for my tinnitus, as well as the ultimate medical experiment. I used a DeWalt 20V Max Brushless Cordless 1/2 in. Drill/Driver, which you can purchase here for $129. The spot I chose to drill was on the side of my head just above my ear, where the tinnitus is. I shaved a small section of my hair in that area. I took a lot of Xanax and some DXM to alleviate the pain. I forgot to sanitize the drill before I started. Nothing bad happened, but I don't think that was wise.
I made a lot of mistakes on the first attempt in addition to forgetting to clean the drill. I didn't do enough research, and only had the vaguest idea of how trepanation worked. The details I had neglected to consider. For example, I didn't know a drill is about 100 decibels! I could hardly think with all that noise in my skull in addition to the tinnitus. Second of all, I tried to drill directly into my skin. The skin on your head is tougher than you think! A commercial drill bit is not the ideal tool for puncturing a layer of skin and muscle followed by skull. But I can't afford those fancy Meridian drills. The noise freaked me out, and I could barely hold the drill steady. In the end I passed out from the combination of blood loss and nerves. Your head bleeds a LOT!! I never even ended up drilling through my skull. Instead of a hole, I had just a tiny dent. I can still feel it under my hair.
The first experiment failed, but I wanted to try again. I started doing actual, proper research on trepanation, studying the techniques of the ones who came before me. Amanda Feilding's documentation was instrumental to my research. I spent a month practicing on watermelons, carefully drilling down through the rind but making sure not to touch the inside. Slowly I refined the details of the procedure to make sure I had the best chance of success.
Finally, nearly exactly a year later, on March 23, 2024, I was ready. I made sure to sanitize the drill this time.